Saturday, August 2, 2008

Lifetime Vigils

expecting

waiting

watching

delivering

our boy is finally here!

nighttime vigils, sleeping world
listening to subtle protests
deciphering cryptic needs
trying to change him...and us
teaching to love and to trust
noticing alarming signs
grasping to understand
praying that all will be well
whispering comforting words
rubbing his blanketed back
nodding as eyelashes fall
watching the hours pass away
listening for deepening breaths
hearing the hushed sounds of sleep
pulling the door softly shut
hoping he will not wake
tip-toeing carefully away
brimming with worries and love

clueless parents
sleepless nights
anxious
exhausted
bleary-eyed
sleep-deprived
listening
always
listening

16 years later
and the cycle
repeats itself–


expecting

waiting

watching

delivering

our boy is finally home!

nighttime vigils, sleeping world
listening to small protests
deciphering cryptic needs
trying to change him...and us
teaching to love and to trust
noticing alarming signs
grasping to understand
praying that all will be well
whispering comforting words
rubbing his blanketed back
nodding as eyelashes fall
watching the hours pass away
listening for deepening breaths
hearing the hushed sounds of sleep
pulling the door softly shut
hoping he will not wake
tip-toeing carefully away
brimming with worries and love

clueless parents
sleepless nights
anxious
exhausted
bleary-eyed
sleep-deprived
listening
always
listening

could it be
our teenager
needs me as much now
as he did
when he was born?



13 comments:

Eowyn said...

I've heard they need you even more now than they did then.

I'm not quite there yet, but it's coming. Kendra turns 11 this year and I am beginning to see the signs.

That was beautiful.

heather of the EO said...

I sat here for the longest time trying to think what to say. You are so gifted. That was just so moving and perfect. Thank you for sharing it.

Cari said...

7 weeks
7 months
7 years
17 years...
perhaps by the time he's 27 you'll be able to relax a little? Maybe by then he'll be the clueless parent, sleep deprived, anxious and, hopefully, listening. And remembering.

You're good.

Kazzy said...

Very sweet, Jana. I hate to sound like I am throwing out all of those early developmental years, because I would never do that, but in so many ways your teenager needs you much more. Your talks when he gets home from a date or hanging out with the guys, your time sitting together in church, your example. All of these things are now being paid attention to by him. Even if, and when, teens don't want to be parented, we do our best to demonstrate unconditional love and encouragement, and there comes that day when they really get it. It's exhausting, but worth it.

Redi-Kilowatt said...

That needs to be published. Beautiful, profound, they never stop needing you...I can still picture my grandfathers caring for their children...and grandchildren in that same tender way...and the children and grandchildren returning the care...it's a never ending cycle of love and responsibility.

Kimberly said...

Is there no end to your talents? That was so beautiful. Perfectly expressed what I've already felt, and gives a good inkling or two as to the rest!

Melanie J said...

I have an eight month old and an eight year old. Neither needs me less than the other. It seems being so needed should make me tired inside my bones...but it doesn't. This was beautiful.

breckster said...

This was lovely.

My dad used to lay on my bedroom floor and read or tell made-up stories to me. It stopped when I was around age 5, but started again when I was age 13 and lasted until I left home.

I just found out that the neurological changes that happen between the ages of 3 and 5 have mirror changes at age 13 and 15. So, it probably applies to 16 as well.

Brillig said...

Ahhh, so gorgeous! (And I meant the post--or did I mean the pic?) :-D This was fantastic. I'm not sure I'll survive the teenage thing. You handle it so well. And that kid of yours is pretty darn special, but you already know that, of course.

Marivic said...

Hi, I was poking around LDS Women blogs tonight and came upon yours. I fell in love with your post. I have a soon to be 16 year old son so it hit a nerve. You are very talented. I wish I could communicate how I feel just as beautifully. I thought I'd leave a comment to tell you so.

EEEEMommy said...

What a beautiful post!

Melanie J said...

Charrette,

Thank you so much for sharing that quote with me. I've been walking around feeling all warm and tingly today. I can't believe I did it. But I did. And thinking about what you shared in your comment moves me more into quiet introspection. I loved it.

Good luck on your speech /presentation. I bet it's going to be pretty awesome.

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

OMG-That photo would be perfect for Thousand Word Thursday, too! Classic. Loved this.